I’m thirty-six years old and I’m resolutely single. I have a thrilling life, a loving family, many friends and varied activities. Men love my blue eyes and my humor. The only thing I’m sure of is that I find the men disappointing. None found it through my eyes. So much so that my relatives even wondered if I was not homosexual. I can say no. Yet recently, an event has stirred me enough for me to ask myself questions. In a discussion with a long-time friend, I told her something I had hidden for years, and it broke me down in tears. At the age of eighteen, I was very baby, my sex life was in its infancy. I was recruited as a hostess for a sporting event. My role was to follow the boys’ team, and make their lives easier. To celebrate their victory, they invited us, the other hostess and I to drink a cup in their room.
At the last minute, my colleague had to go home. I found myself alone with sixteen boys raging, and I didn’t see the danger. I was too naïve! After a few drinks, the spirits warmed up and they started masturbating in front of me. I was terrified and tetanus. After a great moment of incomprehension, I ran away. I never told this story to my loved ones, I was ashamed. I was convinced that I should not have gone. That it was my fault… I didn’t even blame the friends I had in that band who didn’t do anything to calm things down. But after that, my view of men changed. I promised myself that I would never again suffer the yoke of a man. And this by remaining in control of the situation. I do not bear any constraints and concessions are only granted if they are deserved. Since I don’t want to have a real life encounter, I visit webcam model websites where I attend live sex shows from handsome muscular men. I visit their private chat rooms. This allows me to get the sexual relationship that I am looking for. I can order him to stand, dance, and masturbate for me. Apart from the thrilling power sensation, I enjoy being able to start and stop a relationship with a man when I want. Also, I can shape my relationship to get exactly what suits me.
I hate the basic machos with whom I can go up to the confrontation (even physical if necessary!) Male bestiality in all its forms triggers in me aggression. In my day-to-day life, it is the same thing. Any forced intrusion into my “bubble” is severely punished (too sometimes!). I have no god, no master, which makes me an atypical being. However, today, with the growing wave of relatives settling in, I would like to join the ranks and finally find emotional serenity. Everyone needs love. I am just waiting for the man who will reconcile me with his fellows.
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