When a couple separates, they need time to elaborate on what they have lost. It’s at that moment that one of humans worst tendencies comes up to the light. We give true value to things and persons in our life only at the moment when we completely lost them. That’s when we start imagining a reality where they are the part of our everyday life and the bad feelings prevail. At first, sadness is inevitable, then comes the confusion and the relentless wish to immediately set things right. Some people try to quickly fill the void and choose to have casual sexual encounters with the idea that they haven’t lost anything but gained freedom. Others are more likely to use different adult toys as a substitute for the emptiness of their bed. The crude reality is that every person feels loneliness more than anything after this unfortunate event and finding the right way to enjoy sexual pleasure can do wonders to a broken heart.
After the Rain Comes the Rainbow, or so They Say…
It is good to remember that sexual pleasure is the greatest gift that belongs to each one of us and we have the right to enjoy it with whom we want and however we want. Self-stimulation, the use of dildos, fantasies or whatever someone is most comfortable with. It’s a precious commodity, and that is why you have to stand for it and never be ashamed to embrace it, especially after the moments of grief. But, It’s also not unusual to postpone it after divorce.
The feelings of confusion, emptiness, failure, hatred, and anger that usually accompany a hard time of separation will be the first burden to overcome. The pain only leads to confusion and bad choices, even hurting others and oneself. Enough of the typical “I failed” thoughts. It’s not like that, you grew up, you understood, you matured and the options that just unfolded in front of you are ready for the tests and retakes.
Soon you will find relief and rearrangement to another life. That will involve new challenges and the discovery of things that will surprise you since another person always brings unexplored sensations. Finding the pleasure of another body and their irresistible smell will make you motivated to do things that you had never imagined you were capable of. This is going to be the dosage of lust that will spark the flame of love in your life that always proved to be the greatest medication after divorce. Some women, for example, are surprised by their new abilities, without understanding what happened to them before. Needless to say that such discovery makes them feel younger and more attractive than ever before. But, the same can be more or less said for men too.
Start Enjoying Opportunities When You Feel Ready
The new sexual life brings the new identity that you create for yourself in your mind and it’s going to be fragile and uncertain. Beware of being hypercritical of your own body! Not all men and women like a perfect prototype. Some will welcome the extra pounds, or just pay more attention to some things that don’t involve physical sexual attractiveness. It is not necessary to run to the gym and generate grueling and unhealthy routines. You will set that body in a perfect tone with proper training. But what about your state of mind? Not so much. Keep in mind that if you have spent some time inactive, you can not pretend to restart your sexual activity right away.
“Casual sex” or spontaneous sex is not an option if you are in grief, not clear about your mood or don’t know the person with whom you plan the meeting. Returning to sexual activity can be quite confusing, the important thing is that you feel good about yourself, as well as feel ready for it. Also, take into account the physical aspect.
When resuming, you may need to lengthen the foreplay longer than usual in order to improve arousal and allow the physiological changes in the genital area to occur. This is something that generally considered older couples, but the younger ones are not excluded from the rule, especially women.
Another factor to take into account is the reduction of natural lubrication, which can occur by various factors ranging from physical to psychological. The hormonal state or the fact of having negative thoughts that constantly disconnect you from the moment of pleasure decreasing sexual arousal and response. You must remember that whatever your psychological state may be after divorce, the reality in which you are sexually active is always going to create more positive everyday thoughts than negative ones.
Do Not Imagine Life Without Such Sensation
The benefits of not becoming asexual after divorce are observed in all areas. On a physical level, the sexual exercise tones the muscles and increase realizing of “beauty hormones’, and emotionally, having sex increases your self-esteem, well-being, and in short, makes you feel happier. Sexuality also includes self-satisfaction, whether you do or do not have a partner. Masturbating can in various ways help you to know your body better. To discover the trigger zones that will allow you to enjoy them more in the encounter with the partner.
This opportunity for self-satisfaction shouldn’t be neglected especially if you are feeling that there need some time to pass before you start looking for another person. Technically speaking, the eventual pleasure can be sometimes just as same as with the real encounter but such opportunity should never be replaced with the real thing. And forget about the previous sexual life. Avoid comparing your sexual encounters with sex during your marriage.
Enjoy each experience as unique and discover the special things that you never had a chance to do with your previous partner. Dare to experiment, get out there and start looking for someone to fill the emptiness of your bed. Because not only that life is too short for complaining and not enjoying all of its fruits, but because you went through emotional hell and such physical pleasure will be the best remedy for your lonely soul.
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